How to Have a Good Relationship With Your Ex

Introduction
Why Aim For A Good Relationship With An Ex?
When Being Friends With An Ex Is Healthy — and When It Isn’t
Assessing Readiness: Honest Questions to Ask Yourself
Setting Boundaries That Work
Communication Strategies: Gentle, Clear, and Practical
Co-Parenting: Practical Tools for Working Together
Rebuilding Trust: Small Steps, Clear Actions
Forgiveness and Healing — Realistic, Incremental, and Kind
Navigating Social Media, Mutual Friends, and Public Life
Friends With Ex Potential: If You Want A Platonic Connection
When It’s Healthier To Cut Ties
Common Pitfalls and How To Avoid Them
Practical Timeline For Rebuilding A Relationship With An Ex
Real-Life Scenarios (Relatable, Not Clinical)
Support, Community, and Further Resources
Practical Checklist: Steps to Try This Week
Conclusion
FAQ

Introduction

Many people carry the quiet question with them after a breakup: can we be okay with each other now that the romantic part is over? It’s a tender, complicated question—one that matters whether you share kids, mutual friends, a workplace, or simply want to carry less heavy feelings into your future.

Short answer: Yes, it’s possible to have a good relationship with your ex, but it usually takes honest boundaries, meaningful healing, and mutual respect. A healthy post-breakup relationship is built slowly, with clear communication and realistic expectations from both people.

This article is written as a gentle, practical companion to help you figure out what a good relationship with an ex might look like for you. We’ll explore how to assess readiness, set boundaries, rebuild trust in small steps, handle co-parenting and shared responsibilities, manage social media and mutual friends, and notice when it’s healthier to let go entirely. Along the way you’ll find scripts, examples, and careful advice rooted in emotional wisdom and real-world practicality.

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My main message: there’s no single “right” roadmap, but with compassion for yourself and honest conversation with your ex, you can build a relationship that protects your well-being and allows both of you to grow.

Why Aim For A Good Relationship With An Ex?

Emotional clarity and peace

Ending a relationship cleanly—emotionally and practically—reduces ongoing turmoil. When both people can move forward without lingering resentment, life becomes calmer and choices clearer.
A good post-breakup relationship can replace raw, reactive patterns with steadier, kinder interactions.

Practical benefits

If you share children, pets, property, or a workplace, practical cooperation is priceless. A respectful relationship saves time, stress, and legal or logistical headaches.
When mutual support is possible (for example, during illness or events), having a stable connection can be a real gift.

Personal growth and resilience

Working toward a healthier dynamic encourages self-awareness, better communication skills, and emotional maturity.
You’ll learn how to keep your needs in view while staying respectful of someone who once mattered deeply.

A kinder social world

Mutual friends and family members are spared awkwardness and polarization when an ex-relationship is handled with civility.
You model how to leave relationships with dignity—an important life skill we can pass forward.

When Being Friends With An Ex Is Healthy — and When It Isn’t

Signs it could be healthy

Both people have done clear grief work and are not holding hands with the past.
Boundaries are agreed upon and respected (frequency of contact, topics that are off-limits, physical boundaries).
There’s mutual honesty about intentions—no hidden hope of rekindling unless both explicitly want that.
Communication feels stable, not reactive. You can talk without old fights erupting.
If co-parenting, both people can prioritize the children’s needs and maintain consistent routines.

Signs it’s not healthy (or not yet healthy)

One or both people still have strong romantic feelings and are hoping to reunite without talking about it openly.
The relationship is mainly kept as a “backup” or source of sex, which often causes hurt and confusion.
Regular jealousy, stalking behaviors online, or obsessive checking make it hard for one or both to move on.
There’s ongoing abuse, manipulation, or repeated boundary violations. Safety must come first.

Assessing Readiness: Honest Questions to Ask Yourself

Before you try to have a friendlier relationship with your ex, pause for self-checks. You might find it helpful to journal your answers or discuss them with a trusted friend.

Emotional readiness

Do you feel mostly neutral or warm when you think about them, rather than aching or angry?
Have you mourned the relationship and allowed yourself time to heal?
Are you comfortable with the idea that they might date other people without it rocking you?

Motivational clarity

Why do you want a relationship with your ex? (Examples: to co-parent well, to keep a beloved person in your life in another role, to preserve a shared social world.)
Are you hoping to change their mind or secretly keep a door open for reconnection?

Practical readiness

Are your living, financial, and social logistics settled enough to avoid constant conflict?
If you share children or property, do you have tools to manage responsibilities fairly?

Red flags to notice

You feel used or minimized when you interact.
Your ex dismisses your feelings or refuses to set boundaries.
Interactions leave you emotionally worse rather than calmer or clearer.

Setting Boundaries That Work

Boundaries are the scaffolding of a safe, working relationship after a breakup. They keep expectations clear and protect your emotional life.

How to design boundaries together

Start with practical needs. Decide on communication frequency and acceptable topics.
Talk about public and private behavior (e.g., social media tagging, attending the same events).
Commit to how you’ll handle emergencies or care needs.
Make an agreement about new partners—what feels respectful for both of you?
Revisit boundaries regularly. Needs change; flexibility helps.

Sample boundary conversation (short script)

“I value having a calm co-parenting relationship with you. For that to work, I think it helps if our messages stay short and focused on logistics. How does that sound?”
“I want to keep things friendly but not romantic. It would help me if we didn’t text late at night about feelings. Could we agree on daytime-only texts unless it’s urgent?”

Specific boundary examples

Communication window: text only between 9 a.m. and 8 p.m., except emergencies.
Topic limits: no mention of new romantic partners until six months have passed.
Event guidelines: if one is bringing a new date, give the other a heads-up and sit separately at mutual gatherings.
Social media: agree to private DMs only for logistics; no public displays of affection or drama.

When boundaries are broken

Notice emotional cues: if you feel triggered, step back and pause communication.
Name the breach calmly: “When you did X, it made me feel Y. Can we clarify how to avoid that?”
If patterns repeat, consider temporary no-contact to reset the dynamic.

Communication Strategies: Gentle, Clear, and Practical

Good communication with an ex balances clarity with compassion. It’s less about performing and more about honesty.

Principles to keep in mind

Lead with facts when possible. Emotional words are valid but mixing them with facts keeps things manageable.
Use “I” statements to own your experience: “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You made me…”
Keep messages short for routine logistics; longer conversations are better in person or on a scheduled call.
When emotions run high, pause the conversation and return later when both are calmer.

Scripts for common situations

Asking for logistical clarity: “Hey — quick check: are you available to switch the kids’ pickup this Saturday? I can cover 3–5 p.m.”
When you feel boundary crossing: “I noticed you commented on my post about [topic]. That made me uncomfortable. Can we keep social media separate for now?”
Saying no to shared social event: “I appreciate the invite, but I’m not ready to attend that event together yet. Please keep me updated on practical details, though.”

Digital communication tips

Save emotionally heavy conversations for voice or in-person; text is prone to misinterpretation.
Consider using a co-parenting app or dedicated email for logistics to create an “official” channel.
Limit social media exposure by muting or customizing feeds rather than unfollowing if that feels too final.

Co-Parenting: Practical Tools for Working Together

Co-parenting is a special case where a good relationship with an ex matters not just for you but for your children.

Core priorities for co-parents

Maintain consistent routines and rules across households where possible.
Keep child-focused language: center the kid’s needs in decisions and discussions.
Keep communication calm and factual around schedules, school, health, and activities.

Tools and habits that help

Shared calendar (digital) for custody, school events, appointments.
Short, businesslike messages for logistics; gratitude when plans go smoothly.
A written parenting plan that outlines holidays, vacations, and decision-making responsibilities.
A third-party mediator or family counselor when conflict repeats.

Scripts for delicate co-parent moments

Changing plans last-minute: “I’m sorry – something urgent came up. Can we swap our pickup times today? I can make the next two pick-ups.”
Discussing discipline or school issues: “I want to talk about a concern I have with how school reported X. Can we set a time to discuss and align on responses?”

When co-parenting needs extra support

Consider mediation when conversations go in circles or escalate.
Parenting classes or a neutral co-parenting counselor can teach communication habits that help children feel secure.

Rebuilding Trust: Small Steps, Clear Actions

Trust rarely returns overnight. It grows through consistent, believable behaviors.

A step-by-step approach

Start with small, reliable actions (show up on time, follow through on agreements).
Make transparency normal: share calendars, be open about plans that affect shared responsibilities.
Own mistakes quickly and avoid defensiveness.
Celebrate small moments of reliability: an appreciative note or acknowledgment can reinforce positive change.
Let time do part of the work. Trust needs repeated micro-moments to strengthen.

Example trust-building behaviors

If you promised to handle a doctor appointment, follow through and confirm afterward.
If you broke a boundary, offer a sincere apology and concrete change: “I shouldn’t have texted at midnight. I’ll wait until morning next time.”
If you agreed to a logistics arrangement, send a confirming message the day before.

How to know if trust is rebuilding

Conversations feel easier and less defensive.
You notice fewer spontaneous anxieties when messages come in.
Agreements are honored more often than not.

Forgiveness and Healing — Realistic, Incremental, and Kind

Forgiveness is a process, not an instant erasure. It’s less about excusing actions and more about nobody carrying corrosive resentment forever.

Steps toward personal forgiveness

Notice and name the primary hurt. Clarity helps reduce ongoing rumination.
Feel the emotions (anger, sadness) without letting them define every interaction.
Choose limits: forgiving someone doesn’t require reopening the exact same relationship.
Practice self-compassion: forgive your own choices that contributed, without self-blame.

How to have forgiveness conversations gently

Use a measured tone: “I want you to know I felt X when Y happened. I’m working on forgiving this, and part of that work is hearing your perspective.”
Avoid “you always” statements. Focus on the specific event and its impact.
Allow for small reparative steps rather than grand gestures as proof of change.

When forgiveness isn’t right (yet)

If the person denies harm or repeats abusive patterns, postponing forgiveness protects you.
Forgiveness does not mean exposure to continued harm. Protecting yourself is an act of self-love.

Navigating Social Media, Mutual Friends, and Public Life

Social circles and online presence can complicate post-breakup dynamics. Thoughtful management reduces friction.

Social media boundaries

Muting vs unfollowing vs blocking: choose what helps you heal while honoring mutual connections.
Agree on photo/relationship status etiquette if you remain publicly connected.
Keep emotionally charged discussions off public feeds; use private, direct channels for necessary talk.

Mutual friends and gatherings

Consider shared friend confidantes who can act as buffers or neutral communicators.
When attending the same event, agree beforehand on how you’ll interact (e.g., sit apart, keep interactions brief and polite).
Protect children from forced loyalties by not involving them in adult disputes.

Scripts for friend-based situations

If a friend asks about tensions: “I’m keeping things private for now. I appreciate your support.”
If you have to decline an event: “I can’t attend that evening — I hope it goes well. Thanks for understanding.”

Friends With Ex Potential: If You Want A Platonic Connection

Some exes can become warm, mutually supportive friends. This is possible when romantic elements have truly cooled and both people want a different kind of closeness.

Keys to successful platonic relationships

Establish that romance is closed unless both want to revisit it intentionally.
Define acceptable closeness levels and time spent together.
Keep conversations honest about new partners and shifting boundaries.

A healthy progression to friendship

Start with distant, low-stakes contact (occasional texts about practical matters).
If interaction feels okay, schedule a casual hangout (group setting can be safer).
Build from there based on mutual comfort.

When platonic friendship is a risky idea

If either person sees friendship as a way back to romance without openly saying so.
If one person becomes emotionally dependent on the ex as a main confidante while isolating other support.

When It’s Healthier To Cut Ties

Sometimes the best relationship you can have with your ex is no relationship at all.

Reasons cutting ties can be healing

It prevents ongoing cycles of pain and longing.
It gives both people permission to build new lives fully.
It can be a boundary that protects your mental health.

How to create a clean break with compassion

Communicate plainly and kindly: “I need some distance to heal. I care about what we had, but right now no contact feels healthiest for me.”
Plan practical steps: unfollow social media, return belongings, set new routines that create space.
Allow for a future reassessment only if you want one. You might decide not to re-evaluate ever—and that’s okay.

Common Pitfalls and How To Avoid Them

Pitfall: Using performance behaviors to win someone back

Avoid pretending to be someone you’re not. Lasting connection grows from authentic change, not scripted moves.
Focus on becoming a more grounded, healthy person rather than mastering manipulative tactics.

Pitfall: Ghosting or sudden reappearances

Abrupt re-entry can reopen wounds. If contact resumes, check intentions, choose clarity, and proceed slowly.

Pitfall: Being everyone’s emotional center

Don’t take on the role of your ex’s emotional repair person. Healthy boundaries keep both of you responsible for your own healing.

Pitfall: Not asking for support

Lean on friends, family, or a supportive community instead of depending on your ex for all emotional needs. If you want a steady source of encouragement and practical tips, consider signing up for ongoing support: get weekly relationship support for free.

Practical Timeline For Rebuilding A Relationship With An Ex

There’s no universal timeline, but a slow, paced approach reduces risk. Here’s a sample framework you might adapt.

Months 0–2: Distance and self-work

Prioritize no contact for emotional clearing if needed.
Do personal reflection and grief work.
Rebuild routines and social supports.

Months 2–6: Limited, practical contact

Reintroduce short, factual messages if necessary for logistics.
Test boundaries and observe your emotional responses.

Months 6–12: Intentional interactions

If both feel stable, try low-stakes meetups in public or group settings.
Communicate about expectations and what you each want (friendship, co-parenting, civil acquaintanceship).

12+ months: Stable patterns form

If interactions are consistently respectful and helpful, a reliable friendship or co-parenting partnership can take shape.
If patterns of harm continue, consider longer-term distance for your well-being.

Real-Life Scenarios (Relatable, Not Clinical)

Scenario A: Co-parents who stabilize logistics

Two parents found their communication full of drama at first. They slowly switched to a shared digital calendar, short texts for pickups, and monthly check-ins. Over time, their kids flourished with predictable routines and the parents reported less anxiety.

Scenario B: A tentative friendship after mutual closure

Two people who ended amicably took six months of no contact to heal. They met for coffee months later with clear rules: it was a single, low-pressure meetup. They discovered a gentle, affectionate friendship that felt new and different from their romantic past.

Scenario C: When letting go is the kindest act

Someone tried to keep an ex as a safety net, but it sabotaged their new relationship and kept them feeling stuck. After deciding to cut contact, they felt their energy come back and were able to open to new connections.

These examples are general patterns you may recognize. Your situation will be unique; the guiding question is always: does this help me grow and be safer, or does it keep me stuck?

Support, Community, and Further Resources

You don’t have to navigate these choices alone. Small, consistent supports make a big difference.

For ongoing, gentle encouragement and practical tips delivered to your inbox, consider signing up: sign up for free support and daily inspiration.
If you’d like shared discussion and community stories, many readers find value in connecting with others online; you can connect with our supportive readers on Facebook for conversation and perspective.
For visual inspiration and bite-sized reminders, try to browse daily relationship inspiration on Pinterest.
If social communities feel right for you, you might also find community discussion on Facebook or save gentle quotes and tips on Pinterest as steady sources of encouragement.

Remember: asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Small, weekly nudges—stories, prompts, and gentle reflections—can change how you move through tough emotions.

Practical Checklist: Steps to Try This Week

Reflect privately: write 5 sentences naming why you want a relationship with your ex and what you hope it will look like.
Set one tangible boundary (e.g., “no romantic talk over text” or “logistics only on the shared calendar”).
If you need space, create a no-contact plan for a set length of time—delete tempting apps, mute profiles, and plan new activities.
If co-parenting, add one key date to a shared calendar and send a clear, concise message confirming it.
Reach out for a support resource or community to share your process with a nonjudgmental audience: join our free email community.

Conclusion

Creating a good relationship with an ex is possible when both people engage with honesty, boundaries, and compassion. Whether your aim is peaceful co-parenting, a warm friendship, or simply a civil acquaintance, the work looks a lot like steady self-care, clear communication, and small trustworthy actions. Sometimes reconciliation is part of the story; sometimes graceful distance is the gift that allows both people to thrive.

If you’d like ongoing support, daily encouragement, and practical tips as you navigate this path, consider joining our free email community for regular inspiration and gentle guidance: get weekly relationship support for free.

FAQ

Q: How long should I wait before trying to be friends with an ex?
A: There’s no set number of days. Many people find several months to a year helpful to gain perspective. The better question is whether you feel emotionally neutral or content when you think of them, and whether you can realistically stay present with life without relying on that relationship for emotional stability.

Q: What if my ex wants to be friends but I still want them back?
A: Honesty helps you both. You might say, “I appreciate being friends but I want to be clear I still have romantic feelings. I don’t want to lead you on. Right now, I need distance to heal.” It’s okay to protect your heart by stepping back.

Q: Can sex with an ex work without messing things up?
A: For some people, it complicates emotions and reignites old patterns. If both people are clear about intentions, emotionally stable, and okay with the consequences, it might be possible—but caution and honest reflection are essential. Many find that physical intimacy blurs boundaries and prolongs healing.

Q: How do I talk about a new partner with my ex?
A: Keep it simple and respectful. You might say, “I wanted to let you know I’m seeing someone. I care about keeping our interactions focused on [co-parenting/ logistics/ friendship].” Be prepared for mixed feelings and give yourself space if you feel triggered.

If you’d like a steady, compassionate companion through these choices—tiny prompts, practical tips, and caring reminders—many readers find our weekly emails helpful; you’re welcome to join our free email community.

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